I Do Not Exist Like a Three Legged Man
*Fair warning: This entry is going to be a bit personal and I promise no such thing as coherence in it.*
The Quality To Quit?
It’s not every day that I post it seems. In fact it has been over 4 months since my last missive here.
I do exist. And I abandoned this blog. That’s the hard reality of it.
The honest truth is that I abandoned this blog not out of busyness, or for better opportunities; I stopped posting because I hit a serious creative chasm. I came to a point where I believed, fool-heartedly, that I would not be able to satisfy anyone with the quality of my work. Much less the idea of producing quality every day.
I became overwhelmed with the concept of quality for quality’ sake. I began to fear failure and it crippled me.
It was a chasm that I never thought I’d emerge from whole as an artist.
Time (not) Well Spent
The last few months have been rough. Through the dashed high hopes of spectacular job opportunities to the laziness and speculation inherent of being in my late twenties, maddeningly single and seemingly directionless I allowed myself to plummet. This, it seems, is a common problem with creatives. Or so I am told.
I allowed depression to creep in and reign over me.
By the time it became obvious to others that my life was in a tail spin, I still couldn’t see it. I treated every day as one more excuse to put off my dreams of learning, growing and loving life.
This wasn’t at all what I wanted at the soul level. I wanted to create. To see my creations delight others to some sort of wonder.
I ended up in my own way.
A Little Good Advice
Then a good friend and coworker reminded me of something very important. He reminded me that I am talented. That what I have to share with the world is worth sharing. That my work has value even if I’m not willing to see it. And that if I didn’t care enough to see that I’d end up dead before my time.
It was hard to hear, drawn out and hurtful. At first I didn’t want to hear it at all.
Life was going fine. I thought. I could get out of this slump on my own. I believed. I could somehow succeed by ignoring my problems.
But he was right.
And it’s taken awhile to sink in.
Requiem For Past Endeavors (And A New Hope)
I had considered just letting this blog die that lonely, horrible death that so many do. Alone, abandoned and reader-less. An Internet oddity to be found, perhaps, in years to come and fondly remembered as a might have been.
Then, on a whim, I checked it today and came to find out that there have been over 2,000 views and a consistency of daily viewings the likes of which astonished me.
Someone out there is interested in what I have to show and say. And I thank you for it.
The Three Legged Man
All things submit to change and it’s not every day that you see a man with three legs.
When you do, it’s usually a sign that you should share it with the world. That, or check your meds.
Maybe, just maybe, this man has three real legs. Perhaps there is wonder left in this life and all things are truly strange.
Could we be so blessed?
The Defeat of Reality
The leg is not real.
That man’s third leg is a fake, a construct; a ruse that the world sees and initially gawks at as the brain struggles to comprehend what is before it. That split second of wonder intrigues us as we stop and stare.
We want it to be real. We truly do. Because that would mean that wonderful things do exist.
And in our desire, but for a moment, the leg is real.
A Novus Orsa Specto Mihi
A new beginning awaits me.
I do not care if you enjoy my work from this point forward. I cared (worried) too much before and it led me down the path of creative paralysis.
I will post what I like here from now on.
If you enjoy it. Great. If you do not. We’ll both survive it.
I invite you to come along. If you will.